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Author Topic: Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)  (Read 172 times)
Warpig
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« on: January 04, 2021, 09:23:52 AM »

What happens when Women's Studies majors get to write screenplays?

Well, you get WW84.

I can't say that it sucked because it was too bizarre to suck.

This movie is so strange it's hard to know where to begin.

I guess we should start with the question I asked myself immediately upon the film beginning: Why?

Why was this movie made?  Who was the target audience?  Obviously, the target audience was women (I guess?), but....what exactly is Wonder Woman to women anyway?

Well if you watch this film, Wonder Woman is an emotionally fragile, self-obsessed woman focused on the pettiest things imaginable.  The movie opens with WW going about her business stopping petty crimes.  Like extremely petty crimes.  Reckless driving, for example.  Aren't you a Thor-like demi-God?  When you join a Thor movie, he's usually fighting armies in defense of far-off lands.  

Wonder Woman by contrast is....stopping a jewelry store heist.  Badly.  A jewelry store in a mall.  Like, a Kay Jewelers.  Which JUST happens to receive a super-rare shipment in of a hyper-mystical gem set in a round base.  Happens all the time.  So this 4 man crew decides to rob this store in such a fuck-knuckle fashion, you wonder if they are all crackheads.  Did I mention this film is written by a women's studies major?

So of course, WW stops the bad guys, because what can 4 idiots do against a demi-god?  The mystical artifact, at a Kay Jewelers, is taken back to the Smithsonian, where WW has her day job.  She's like a historian or some shit for the Smithsonian.  Enter Kristen Wiigs character, being Kristen Wiig, because that's the only character she plays: a nebbish, nerdy girl who's so unappealing that when she drops all her papers at her place of work, none of the high-school cool kids even stop to help her.  Because that's what this movie really is: the writer's experience in high school.

So we get to do all the things a high school girl wants to do: Fantasize about boys, have a posh lunch, and go shoe shopping.  This sequence of events happens in the film.  Multiple times.  In fact, the most prominent feature of this film seems to be fashionable footwear, specifically high heels.  You start to expect every scene to start with "Dear diary, today was a doozy...."

Oh yeah, the 'plot', anyway: So the mystical hyper-gem they got from Kay Jewelers ends up back at the Smithsonian, you know, instead of back at Kay Jewelers where it was robbed from?  Well, as it turns out, this Infinity Stone, I mean, um, Citrine Gem, can grant WISHES!

That's right, they find a genie's lamp!  Oh, but it's a CURSED lamp!  It's a Monkey's Paw/Gem.  Made by Loki!  Um, I mean, some random trickster God who's totally not Loki.

Naturally, both girls end up wishing on the stone: WW wishes for her lost love (Chris Pine) would return to her, and Doormat wishes she was just like WW.  "Dear Diary, Diana is so cool...."

Anyway, enter an 80's entrepreneur played inexplicably by Pedro Pascal, because.....reasons.  He's a television personality with a failing business in oil, of all things, and his Ponzi-scheme like scam is coming to an end.  See, he's been looking for the Tesseract, um, wishing stone, for a while, because everyone is aware there's a wishing stone and is desperately searching for it.  So the robbery, which he may or may not have had a hand in organizing, doesn't work out, so he tracks the stone to the Smithsonian.

So he gets a hold of it, by tricking the newly sexified and stylish Wiig, who totally went shoe shopping and got a great outfit!  Once he gets it, instead of wishing for something for his business, he wishes that he would BECOME the wishing stone.  Voila', he's Mr. Wish-granter, with a twist!  Every wish he grants, he takes what he wants in return.  Of course, this takes a toll on him physically because even he can't avoid getting hurt by granting so many wishes.

So here we go:  Doormat is becoming evil Diana, Diana is having romantic fantasy moments with her lost love, who is totally not Captain America from Winter Soldier, stunned by the wonders of 1984, BUT she's losing her powers!  And Wishmaster is going around the world becoming ridiculously powerful in the strangest ways imaginable.

And blah, blah, blah, who fucking cares.  This movie, like the wishes being granted, gets so out of control it's an absolute train-wreck.  But unlike a train-wreck, you don't feel compelled to watch it, you just wish it was over.

Also: Why 1984?  Like, what was the point of it?  I saw the movie and I can't explain what it is about 1984 that you would want to do a movie based there.  Especially since WW herself does not live or dress like it's 1984.  She lives and dresses in 2020.  So....again, what was the point?

Which really should be the tagline for this hot mess of bizarre film:  "Wonder Woman 1984 : What was the point?"

Oh, and WW can fly, apparently, so....look out Superman!

1 super-cool pair of heels, out of 5
« Last Edit: January 04, 2021, 09:27:31 AM by Warpig » Logged

And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:

And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.  _ Revelations 13
Warpig
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« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2021, 11:10:34 AM »

Addendumb: Here are a few of the inexplicably dumb things that happen in the film.

- So, wishmaker guy gets one of his investors to wish for the business to be successful, he does so, then the wishmaker makes him leave the picture by having the feds arrest him for tax evasion.  Then, Mr. Wishmaker, after ALL of his many oil wells suddenly start producing oil, decides to head to Egypt to an oilman there so he can get HIS oil too!  Because that's exactly what a crazy businessman would do?

- Chris Pine returns via the wish by inhabiting the body of a handsome engineer, but we really don't see too much of him, since Diana can only see Chris Pine.  However, forgetting that this in NOT Chris Pine, but an actual living human he's inhabiting, she tells Pine that they have to go to Cairo, but can't use a plane because Chris Pine has no passport.  Chris Pine has no passport.  But surely the man whose body he is inhabiting does?

- With the abovementioned passport issue being an....issue, Diana decides to break into her place of work and steal what appears to be an A6 intruder in order for Chris Pine to fly them to Cairo.  Flying from DC to Cairo.  In an A6 intruder, which luckily the Smithsonian keeps out back in an airport, fully fueled up and ready to go.  Yep, that happened. Oh, by the way, that's almost 6000 miles from DC to Cairo.  In an A6.  Yeah, ok.

- The flight takes them near a fireworks display, WW remembers that today happens to be the 4th of July, because fuck it, and they fly through the fireworks in a supersonic jet fighter, because it's all romantic and shit, apparently.

- During a wildly ridiculous combat sequence between Wishmaster and his newly recruited bodyguards, one of the baddies fires a single .50 round directly at Chris Pine.  1 round.  Which WW snags out of the air with her lasso.  Mind you, that was not the most ridiculous part of the sequence, but it was definitely in the top 5.

- In order to reverse the wish and get her powers back, WW has to renounce her wish.  Which she is unable to do.  Chris Pine's character essentially makes the decision for her, even though this means death number 2 for him, it's HIS decision that makes her renounce the wish which she otherwise wouldn't do.  Female empowerment indeed.

- You're only supposed to get one wish per person, that's the established rule.  BUT somehow Kristen Wiig gets TWO, and decides later to wish to be an "Apex Predator", so she turns into Cheetah-Woman to fight WW in a fight so silly, I laughed out loud.



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And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:

And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.  _ Revelations 13
jdv
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« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2021, 11:13:40 AM »

WW84: making "Super Friends" look like Shakespeare since Christmas 2020.

Also, you may have post-traumatic stress syndrome after watching that masterpiece.  I'll get you some numbers of professionals to call.
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Warpig
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« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2021, 11:18:21 AM »

WW84: making "Super Friends" look like Shakespeare since Christmas 2020.

Also, you may have post-traumatic stress syndrome after watching that masterpiece.  I'll get you some numbers of professionals to call.

I picked a random episode of Superfriends, 1985

"The Fear"

Gotham City is literally held in the grip of terror by The Scarecrow's arsenal of Fear Transmitters. Scouring Gotham in search of Scarecrow, Batman is himself paralyzed with fright when he finds himself in the middle of Crime Alley, where years earlier the parents of Batman's alter ego Bruce Wayne had been murdered in cold blood. Taking advantage of the situation, Scarecrow intends to keep Batman trapped in Crime Alley forever by using a captured Robin and Wonder Woman as bait-forcing the Caped Crusader to purge himself of his lifelong fears once and for all.

That plot BLOWS AWAY WW84.

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And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:

And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.  _ Revelations 13
jdv
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« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2021, 12:02:10 PM »

Quote

That plot BLOWS AWAY WW84.



Yes, but does it have a shoe shopping sequence?  Huh, does it?  I thought .

WW84 for the win.
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Gunslinger
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« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2021, 12:47:15 PM »

Your first instinct was correct. This movie SUUUUUCKS.

Such a mishmash of ideas that they couldn't make work. I feel sorry for DC fans as they truly deserve better. I know people who defend these films to the death, i think, simply because they have nothing else. Well, they do have the DC animated movies which are incredible. I'd highly recommend Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox. I believe its available on HBO MAX.



Also, Kristen Wiig's character 'Cheetah' is one of WW's oldest main enemies. She was done dirty in this film from initial concept to horrible CG abomination. For a better representation of BOTH WW and Cheetah, check out the animated film Justice League: Doom.


I wish Wonder Woman had gone a step further and after making the A6 into the Invisible Jet, she finished the job and made the entire film invisible as well.
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jdv
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« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2021, 01:00:14 PM »

Two words immediately proves how dumb this movie is: Kristen Wiig

God bless her, no one tries harder, and she wa marginally funny while on SNL, but she's not even the most memorable thing in her own movie, BRIDESMAIDS.

Melisa McCathy, with maybe 10 minutes of screen time, utterly steals the movie from Wiig... who as far as I know hasn't made a movie/show/project that anyone's cared about since.

Speaking of McCathy, she's a more believable villain than Wiig.  And for a movie to be all about women empowerment, one is hard pressed to come up with a more sexist against women plot then "cat fighting women".  Yet there it is.

An abomination from start to finish.  Only - perhaps - are the last 3 Disney STAR WARS movies more ill conceived.
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« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2021, 01:12:43 PM »

This is the funniest thing Kristen Wiig has ever done. She should stop as WW84 and Ghostbusters have revealed the limits of her improv skills.

« Last Edit: January 04, 2021, 01:21:02 PM by Gunslinger » Logged
jdv
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« Reply #8 on: January 04, 2021, 01:28:59 PM »

Yup, that's a great one.  She also does a gag where's she's a washed up broadway star on a 60's era gameshow....

But she did that character a couple of weeks ago as the guest host, and it bombed pretty spectacularly.  

She's a good TV variety comedian, but not someone you'd want as the major antagonist in a $150 million (or more) tent pole movie.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2021, 05:04:49 PM by jdv » Logged

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« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2021, 12:49:56 PM »

i find it hard not to disagree. This movie has more plot holes than Swiss cheese. From what I understand this thing cost north of $200 million. I guess since no one mentioned them, I'll name a few postives.

Gal Gadot is great as Wonder Woman/Diana Prince. I can't honestly think of any one else currently who would be better.

The action scenes were well choreographed and fun to look at. The mall fight and the street fight were well done. It wasn't until the Cheetah fight -  that was done purposefully in near darkness - that I noticed it was all CG. The scene where WW learns to fly was the highlight of the movie to me.

Lynda Carter! Nuff said. I loved seeing her again and she looks amazing at age 69!!

The biggest disappointment to me was the handling of Maxwell Lord. Mando was horribly miscast and the character they wrote bears zero resemblance to the one from DC Comics. He was actually the leader of Justice League America during my favorite run on the series in the '90s. He was a good guy, so when DC turned him into a villain, murdering another good guy (Blue Beetle), I was turned off. Such a heel turn made no sense at all. I think they just find it easier to turn a hero rather than make up a new bad guy.

I broke it up into two viewings so that probably made me hate it less. I would give a 2 star rating at least for the eye candy.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2021, 02:02:51 PM by crow » Logged

...war's over I'm a peacetime Mandalorian
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