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Author Topic: THE FOG (2005)  (Read 43 times)
jdv
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I'm Captain Wild Bill Kelso....


« on: October 26, 2018, 01:14:27 PM »

PERHAPS the worst remake of all the times is THE FOG from 2005, a movie sp spectacularly un-scary and awful it's almost hard to believe that there is a good version of the tale.

From black actors dressed like they're from the hood running fishing boats, to a wildly mis-cast Stevie Wayne, to bad CG, to awful music and gross amounts of light, it's a train wreck from the first frame.  Acting so bad it makes the non-professional actors we use look like Brando.  Even the older character actors - you know, the ones you can normally rely on - were awful.  Totally unbelievable.

Bad enough that the movie's awful, it's also insanely dated.  Even though it was released in 2005, it feels like it was made in 1997 - characters use CDs, giant cell phones, dress like it 1989 (but not out of a sense of irony), the out-dated (and awful) songs used - all about as mid '90's era corporate white-bread America as can be imagined.  Even though it was made in '05.

Truly, this film should be taught in film school as a text-book on how not to make a movie.   I remembered it being bad, but it's worse then that.  Seriously, one of the worst films ever made and perhaps the worst remake that will ever be made.  It's free on Amazon prime if you want to hurt yourself.

BOTTOM LINE: 0 "A movie so bad it might have given Debra Hill her cancer" out of 5 stars.  
« Last Edit: October 26, 2018, 02:59:33 PM by jdv » Logged

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Merry Christmas


« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2018, 01:23:27 PM »

Man, hands-down, can't agree more.

So bad in every single way it could manage to BE bad.

Like, EVERYTHING IN IT IS BAD.

This was AGGRESSIVE badness.

But the thing you failed to mention within the swirling miasma of shit:

NOTHING HAPPENS

Like for reeeeeeeeal long stretches of the movie its: Two people talking in a Restaurant.  Two people talking in a Library.  Two people talking on the phone.  Two people talking on a boat.

If you're going to suck, at least suck showing me schlock.

But it had the nerve to both suck AND be boring about it.

No Score at all because for me the movie never ended.
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....And it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! ...God bless Us, Every One!
jdv
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« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2018, 02:16:00 PM »

Yeah, it's like someone took a bet on if they could make the worst movie ever made....

They won.
« Last Edit: October 26, 2018, 02:25:17 PM by jdv » Logged

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Merry Christmas


« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2018, 02:37:51 PM »

Yeah, it's like someone took a bet on if they could make the worst movie ever made....

They won.

...and we lost.
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....And it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! ...God bless Us, Every One!
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« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2018, 03:28:22 PM »

Stop making me want to watch this.
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jdv
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« Reply #5 on: October 26, 2018, 03:30:55 PM »

It's not like MANOS or ROBOT MONSTER or BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE, bad movies that are still entertaining in their way - no, this movie is just awful and boring.  The worst of everything.
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Merry Christmas


« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2018, 04:06:03 PM »

Stop making me want to watch this.

I will not be held responsible!
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....And it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! ...God bless Us, Every One!
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